


I don't have a choice but I still choose you

by emilia_kaisa



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, How Do I Tag, M/M, Mentions of Murder, Not Beta Read, cop!Miller, minty, this is a mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-02
Updated: 2016-08-02
Packaged: 2018-07-28 22:53:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7660105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilia_kaisa/pseuds/emilia_kaisa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>‘My name’s Nathan Miller; I’m a detective and I’m going to question you. Do you want to call somebody?’ he asked officialy and the guy shook his head silently.<br/>‘Firstly, what’s your name?’<br/>‘Monty Green.’ he answered after a moment of silence.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I don't have a choice but I still choose you

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote it like, four months ago, and I'm still not sure if I like it- so I just decided to post it. I've no idea how law and police work, and I'm shit at writing emotions but I hope you enjoy. Also this is my first minty fanfiction, so don't hate me too much!  
> Warning: strange grammar, typos etc.  
> Title from 'Poison and wine' by The Civil Wars

 

Miller sighed and glared at a clock, which was ticking annoyingly slowly on the wall in front of him. It was barely 7pm and that meant that he wouldn’t get home before 9pm. Man, sometimes he hated his job. Sure, it was challenging and usually he couldn’t complain about boredom but it was also exhausting. And that day Miller was tired more than usual. He wasn’t sleeping well since his breakup with Bryan and he just had a lot on his shoulders lately. That’s why he had sent Bellamy for some coffee, so he would survive a few more hours without falling asleep on his desk.

‘Here you go.’ Bellamy put a paper cup on Miller’s desk and he nodded gratefully, taking a sip immediately. Much better.

He and Bellamy were partners for almost three years. It hadn’t took long till they became friends. They had a good chemistry in work and in friendship and Miller was just grateful that fate decided to put them together. They were similar in many ways, Bellamy and him; they didn’t like to show their emotions, they seemed to be grumpy and brooding but the truth was that they had golden hearts with a lot of love to spare. At least that what Octavia was saying, Miller didn’t buy that bit about his supposingly heart of gold. He didn’t believe in that but he had to admit that he had trouble sleeping without a heat of someone’s body next to him. 

A quiet sigh escaped his lips as he reached for another pile of papers. He had signed up for catching bad guys, not going through an endless paper work.

His phone rang sharply, breaking a silence and deepening a dull pain that formed in the back of Miller’s skull.

‘Who are you bringing to us?’ he asked; he assumed that Monroe and Sterling were heading to the station with someone who needed to be questioned ‘Or do you need us to join you?’ he really didn’t feel like visiting a crime scene but work was work.

‘I don’t think it’d be necessary.’ Monroe’s voice was unusually tensed and Miller immediately felt alarmed ‘Technicians are already working but I think...’ she hesitated.

‘What happened?’ Miller asked; Bellamy gave him a concerned look from across the room.

‘Murder in self- defense.’ Monroe said quickly ‘Guy shot his mother- she was on drugs, probably- she was trying to stab his friend.’

‘Shit.’

That sounded absolutely terrible; Miller couldn’t even imagine something like that.

‘Shouldn’t be complicated if we have a witness.’ he said ‘We’ll be waiting.’

‘One more thing.’ Monroe said and Miller narrowed his eyes at the sound in her voice ‘That friend... her name’s Octavia Blake.’

Like Miller had predicted, Bellamy almost lost his mind.

‘Calm down, man, Monroe said that she was fine.’ Miller said although he was feeling pretty unsure too. Octavia meant a lot to him, he was spending a lot of time with her and Bellamy and he felt terrible that she had been through something like that. He didn’t even want to think about it but he knew he was the one who would have to question Octavia and her friend. Professional ethic didn’t allow Bellamy to do that and Miller was the only one availile detevtive at the moment. 

‘Shut up.’ Bellamy hissed, flashing him a dark look but Miller didn’t blame him for being worried; it was his sister, his only family, the most important person in the world.

After what felt like an infinity Octavia rushed through a door and into Bellamy’s arms.

‘It’s okay, I’ve got you.’ he muttered as she clinged to his shirt.

Miller glared over Bellamy’s head and he met Sterling’s eyes.

‘You can quiestion the guy.’ he muttered and Miller nodded.

‘Great. Oh, could you call psyhologist? Pretty sure they’re gonna need help.’

‘Sure. We’ll finally get to meet the new doctor.’

Miller realized that indeed, he hadn’t met the new psyhologist yet. He just hoped that he or she wasn’t so problematic as the previous one.

When Miller entered an interrogation room he had to try his best to hide how surprised he was. To be honest, he didn’t know why he was feeling surprised; the guy, sitting across the table, looked pretty normal. He was about Octavia’s age, maybe a year older. He was slim, almost skinny, his face emotionless and pale.  _ He just shot his mother, what the fuck did you expect?  _ Miller asked himself angrily, sitting in front of the guy. 

‘My name’s Nathan Miller; I’m a detective and I’m going to question you. Do you want to call somebody?’ he asked officialy and the guy shook his head silently.

‘Firstly, what’s your name?’

‘Monty Green.’ he answered after a moment of silence.

Unusal name, Miller thought while writing it down.

‘Okay, Monty, could you tell me what happened?’ he asked, gently, but he saw tears gathering in Monty’s eyes. Miller felt uncomfortable and mentally cursed himself for not bringing psyhologist right away. 

And then Monty broke down.

Teras started to run down his cheeks and quiet sobs excaped his mouth. His body started to shake and in that moment he just seemed to be so fragaile and vulnerable, and Miller didn’t know what to do. 

_ Shit. _

He wanted to reach out, to comfort him, but he knew he couldn’t do that. He had witnessed people bursting into tears in front of him but that time was somehow different but he couldn’t tell why. There was just something about him, something not quite visible but constantly present, what was making Miller want to take care of him.

But no. He couldn’t.

And when he wondered if he should rush in search for help, someone knocked quietly and the door opened and a short woman with blonde hair appeared.

‘I’m sorry for interruption...’ she started but then she spotted Monty and she immediately entered the room and made her way to Miller ‘I’m Clarke Griffin, a new psycologist.’

‘Nathan Miller. I’ll leave you.’ Miller muttered, feeling suddenly embarassed. He glanced once more at Monty before leaving; shit, he really couldn’t imagine what this poor guy was going through.

‘Octavia, I need you to tell me everything you remember.’ Miller said gently and she nodded quietly ‘Are you sure you’re ready to talk?’ he asked, the memory of Monty’s tears still vivid in his mind. 

‘Yeah.’ Octavia nodded again and glared at Belleamy who was sitting by the wall, watching her carefully. She seemed to be a bit shaken but she was good at keeping her emotions steady.

‘Okay, so how do you know Monty?’

‘Through Jasper. Monty’s his friend ans we were hanging out a lot lately.’

‘And why were you at his place today?’

‘Monty’s a genius and I needed some help with chemistry.’ Octavia gave him a pale smile ‘We were studying when his mother entered.’ she stopped and took a deep breath ‘She was acting strange, her eyes were kinda blurred. And then I noticed that she had a knife.’ a few tears run down her cheeks and a second later Bellamy was by her side, pulling her into a hug.

It took her a few minutes until she was ready to speak again.

‘She tried to stab me.’ Octavia whispered, a quiet sob escaping her mouth ‘And Monty... he suddenly her had a gun in his hand... she screamed for her to stop but she raised the knife again...’ she took a deep breath ‘Monty shot her.’

‘Do you know why he had a gun?’ Miller asked gently and Octavia nodded.

‘His father was shot by an armed thief.’ she explained quietly ‘Monty said that his mom felt safer with a weapon in a house.’ 

That was pretty ironic, Miller thought, but he didn’t say that out loud.

‘It was self defense.’ Octavia said firmly, her eyes suddenly hard ‘He saved my life. He didn’t have a choice.’ her eyes widened suddenly ‘Are you going to put him in jail?’

Miller shot a look toward Bellamy and then shrugged his shoulders.

‘It’s up to a prosecutor.’ Bellamy said softly ‘But I don’t think Kane’s going to charge him.’

Miller heard a familiar, soft knock to the door and Clarke entered the room with the smallest of smiles on her face. 

'He wants to talk to you.' she said, looking straight at him. Her face was serious and professional but Miller was pretty sure that he saw something in her eyes, something like... sadness.

'You sure he's ready?' he asked, a memory of Monty's tears alive in front of him. 

'He's...' Clarke hesitated for a second 'He's stronger that we think he is.'

It sounded strange but Miller didn't push her. He stood up and then noticed a curious look Bellamy gave Clarke.

'Oh, right, let me introduce you. Detective Bellamy Blake, my partner; Bellamy, this is dr Clarke Griffin, the new psychologist. And this is Octavia, she...' he hesitated but Clarke seemed to understand everything.

'You're Monty's friend.' she said softly and Octavia nodded quietly 'Maybe you'd like to talk.'

Bellamy opened his mouth but Octavia was quicker.

'Yes.' she admitted quickly 'Bell, you can go and grab something to drink.' 

'I don't...' Bellamy started but Clarke gave him a harsh look and he shut up, although he gave her a dark stare when he was leaving the room.

The rest of the interrogation went smoothly, if you could say that. Monty was terrifyingly calm and Miller had to use all his strength to stop himself from shivering. 

Monty's words were completely the same as Octavia's and after showing the case to a prosecutor it was clear that he wouldn't be charged.

'It was clearly self- defense.' Kane said decidedly 'Poor kid, can't imagine what he's going through.'

It was exactly what Miller was thinking but he didn't say that out loud. That whole situation, the whole night, seemed surreal to him. 

‘Just tell him not to leave the city, okay?’

‘Sure thing.’

'You're free to go.' he told Monty and the boy blinked a few times. He looked confused and Miller felt a stupid urge to take care of him. Stupid, stupid.

'I'm free?' Monty repeated as he didn't hear right.

'Yeah.' Miller nodded and after a second he asked 'Do you have a place to stay?' his place was probably still locked.

'I think so.' Monty said quietly and he looked so lost that Miller's heart clenched slightly in his chest. It wasn't something usual for him, to be touched by a case; he wasn't made of ice but he was good at keeping his emotions in charge. But that time... it was different and Miller couldn't say why. And he couldn't control the words that escaped his mouth a second later.

'Do you need a ride?'

Monty stared at him, his eyes wide open and lips slightly parted, and Miller cursed himself mentally.

'Thank you, I'd like that.' Monty said quietly and it was Miller's time to blink in surprise.

'Alright then. Come with me.' 

Monty followed him out and then Miller stopped in the middle of a corridor, thinking that he should probably tell Bellamy that he was leaving. But then a door to their small office opened and he saw Octavia, followed by Clarke and Bellamy who were looking like they wanted to kill each other.

'Monty!' Octavia exhaled when she saw them and then she was wrapping her arms around her friend.

Monty hugged her back carefully, taking a deep breath and Miller felt that he was interrupting something.

'I'm okay.' Monty said quietly into Octavia's hair 'It's okay.'

Octavia pulled back a little bit, studying his face. Miller knew that she knew that Monty was lying but they didn't say a word about it.

'O, we should go home.' Bellamy said and Octavia nodded, her eyes still focused on Monty.

'And you?' she asked and Monty shrugged his shoulders.

'I think I'm going to crash at Jasper's.' he glared over his shoulder at Miller, his gaze unreadable and Miller shivered 'Detective Miller offered me a ride.' 

'Okay.' Octavia nodded 'Just... call me, okay?'

'Sure.'

The ride was quiet. 

Monty was sitting on Miller's right, staring at the dark world outside. Miller would like to say something but there was nothing he could really say. 

He had never met someone like Monty. He didn't know him, he knew close to nothing about him but there was something about him, something Miller couldn't name but what he had never seen in anybody else. 

He pulled over in front of a nice looking apartment building. Miller shut down the engine and glared at Monty.

'Thank you, detective.' Monty said quietly and reached for a knob.

'Wait' Miller split out before he could stop himself. Monty looked at him, his eyes wide open and hollow.

'Here, take it.' he said, handing Monty his card 'If you need something, call me. I'll try to help.'

Monty stared at the card in Miller's hand and Miller suddenly felt stupid. He had never done that before but that was... different, he didn't know why and how, but it was. Monty was different.

'Thank you.' Monty said again after a long moment and took the card, careful not to touch Miller's skin.

They sat in silence again and it was even more awkward than before. When Miller finally opened his mouth to say something Monty violently opened the door and left, without saying anything and without looking back.

It took Miller a few minutes before he started the engine again.

Miller's apartment looked more empty than ever. Bryan always told him that he should change something, turn that place to actual home. But then Bryan left and took all the reasons to change anything. He left, leaving his toothbrush and a few t- shirts; he left, leaving Miller with a dull pain in his heart and lonely, sleepless nights. 

Maybe he should get used to it. Maybe it was they way it had to be. Maybe it was a way he had to be.

Alone.

***

The weather was a total shit.

Miller cursed loudly at the heavy raindrops hitting his car and not letting him see almost anything. It was as in the middle of a fucking waterfall.

It was dark and wet and awful and Miller just wanted to get home, drink beer and watch something on tv.

Red light blinked at him and Miller stopped with a sigh; he was alone at that crossroad and he felt temptation to screw the rules but he knew himself well enough to know that he wouldn't do it. He was too hard attached to all those rules his father had poured into him.

And then he spotted a movement in a corner of his eyes. He turned his head to look at a pavement and he saw a guy, walking slowly with his head low. He didn't have a jacket or an umbrella, just brown hoodie, too big for his slim figure. Miller couldn't see his face but there was something familiar in the guy's silhouette, his shoulders, his dark hair, now totally wet.

And then the guy raised his head and Miller's stomach clenched painfully. 

Monty.

It had been over a month but Miller didn't forget. 

Monty passed Miller's car without noticing him, making slow, monotous steps. What was he doing out there, in the middle of the night, alone, wandering aimlessly? 

The light changed and Miller stepped on a gas immediately, maybe a bit too violently. It took only a few seconds till he stopped again and opened a window.

'Hey!'

Monty stopped immediately and slowly turned around. When Miller saw his face he shivered; he like he had lost some weight and his eyes seemed to be too big and hollow, too old for his young face. 

'Where are you going?' Miller asked and Monty blinked, surprised, but he didn't answer. Why should he answer? It was none of Miller's business.

'Get in. You're gonna catch a cold out here. I'll give you a ride.' he gave Monty a small smile.

Monty stared at him for a second and then he nodded and made his way to the car.

'Where to?' Miller asked, glaring at Monty. Man, he looked so... small. Fragile. He didn't look at Miller, his eyes focused on a street in front of them. 

'You want me to drive you home?' Miller asked, clueless, and Monty shook his head violently.

'No, no there.' he said quickly, his voice rough.

'Okay.' Miller said slowly, a bit confused 'Your friends' place?'

Monty remained silent, still stubbornly not looking at Miller.

Miller sighed. What should he do?

He was driving in silence, gazing at Monty from time to time. 

'We're going to my place. I have a pretty comfortable sofa.' he said, trying to make his words sound light. Some part of him expected Monty to refuse but it didn't happen. Instead, Monty finally looked at him- with those big, dark eyes which were making Miller's heart clench.

'I don't want to cause any trouble.' Monty said quietly, like he was ashamed of himself.

'Not a problem.' Miller said shortly. He didn't like talk too much, he wasn't good with words. It was one of the reasons why Bryan had broken up with him, because he was too quiet, closed in, distant. The word  _ cold  _ had been used a few times. 

Monty didn't say anything and Miller took it as an agreement.

It was a good thing that Miller had cleaned up his place a day before.

‘Here.’ he waved his hand, showing Monty a living room ‘I’ll find you something dry to wear.’

In his bedroom, he opened his wardrobe and thought for a moment. Monty was undoutedly smaller and slimmer than him, Miller’s shirt would look on him like a tent. His eyes wandered to a small pile of t-shirts, hidden in the back. Miller started at them for a moment and then took one of t-shirts and came back to the living room.

Bryan was also smaller than him.

‘Here.’ Miller handed Monty the shirt and he blinked in surprise ‘Bathroom’s there.’ Miller pointed in the direction ‘You hungry? I’m going to prepare something to eat.’ Monty looked like he could use a good meal but he just shook his head.

‘I’m good, thank you.’ 

Monty disappeared in the bathroom and Miller prepared a big plate of sandwiches and two cups of tea and took it back to the living room when he put it all on the table. He grabbed one of the sandwiches and took a bite, wondering what the hell was he doing. He could have just drive Monty to Bellamy and Octavia’s place, why hadn’t he done that? Deep inside he suspected what was the answer but he didn’t want to face it because it was so different from what he was used to think about himself.

Monty finally appeared and yeah, Bryan’s shirt was also slightly too big for him. Monty stopped for a moment when he saw Miller but then he carefully sat down on the sofa, as far away from Miller than possible. No offence taken.

‘I made you some tea. I can get you sugar if you want.’ Miller said simply; Monty just shook his head.

‘Thank you.’ he said quietly and took his cup, holding it carefully in his both hands; it looked like he was clinging to that little bit of heat, like it could warm him up.

God, he looked so small.

Miller moved the plate a bit so it was now standing in front of Monty.

‘Have one. Made too much for just one person.’

Monty hesitated for a long moment and Miller thought that he wouldn’t take it but then he slowly reached out and took one sandwich.

They were sitting in silence which was heavy and strange but none of them did anything to break it. 

Finally Miller got up and took the dishes to the kitchen, then came back and handed Monty two blankets- he looked like he could get cold easily. 

‘Thank you.’ Monty said quietly and Miller felt an urge to ask him why couldn’t he go home but he bit his tongue; Monty probably wouldn’t tell him anything. So he just nodded and walked to his bedroom, feeling a small knot tightening up in his chest.

When Miller woke up the next morning Monty was gone.

Miller didn’t feel exactly like himself. He couldn’t get rid of that strange feeling of concern which was settled in his chest since his last meeting with Monty. He just wanted to know if the kid was okay, right? It was nothing personal.

‘Hey Bellamy.’ he greeted his friend when he entered their small office ‘How’s Octavia?’

‘She’s fine, I guess. She meets with Clarke once in a week tho.’ 

‘That’ll do good.’ Miller said and then asked, after a second of hesitation ‘And how’s Monty doing? Does she know anything?’

Bellamy sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

‘She says that he acts normally but it’s a bit more quiet than usual. But he’s okay.’ he gave Miller a curious look ‘Why are you asking?’

Miller shrugged his shoulders.

‘I ran into him a week ago and I was just wondering.’

‘Right.’ Bellamy nodded and got back to his work.

The knot in Miller’s chest didn’t go away.

***

The knock to the door was soft and quiet and Miller almost missed it. Almost. He wondered who could that be, at 10pm on Thursday, with a weather so shitty and cold. He didn’t expect anyone so he kinda froze when he saw Monty Green on his doorstep.

It took him a long moment to find his voice.

‘What are you doing here? Is everything okay?’ Miller finally managed to ask and Monty just looked at him, his head tilted a little.

‘Can I come in?’ he asked quietly and Miller stepped aside immediately, letting him come inside.

Monty sat down on the sofa, carefully, like he was prepared to run away at any moment. Miller didn’t want to scare him off so he leaned across the wall and looked at Monty. He was staring at his hands and after a few minutes of silence Miller heard his quiet, soft voice.

‘I know that I didn’t have the choice.’ 

The knot tightened, making it hard to breathe.

‘I know that I can’t torment myself with it. That I have to keep going.’ he finally raised his head to look at Miller and his eyes were big and full of strange light ‘And I’m trying to but I still see her blood on the floor.’

Miller didn’t say anything because there was no proper words and besides that he didn’t trust his ability to keep his voice steady. So instead of talking he slowly made his way to the sofa and sat down next to Monty, closer that the last time but still with a comfortable space between them.

Silence lasted for maybe three minutes but suddenly it wasn’t uncomfortable.

‘I’m sorry, detective.’ Monty grimaced a little at him.

‘For what?’

‘Just... coming here. Throwing my... interrupting you.’

‘It’s fine.’ Miller said shortly ‘And it’s Miller.’

‘Excuse me?’ Monty blinked and Miller almost smiled.

‘There’s no need to call me detective. You’re talking to Nathan Miller, not to a cop.’

Monty tilted his head a little and looked at him like he was searching for something.

‘Could we do that? Talk, I mean?’ he asked and suddenly the pressure from Miller’s chest was gone.

‘Of course we could.’

***

They became friends.

Miller didn’t know how exactly it happened. It started with honest, long talks, with Monty sleeping on his couch from time to time. It was keeping on with them sitting in comfortable silence and with Monty calling him  _ Nate.  _ But it was a strange kind of friendship and Miller knew it. It was new and fragile and he was determinate to keep it because he quickly found out that everything seemed to be a bit brighter when Monty was around.

‘O’s throwing a birthday party this Saturday, you’re invited.’ Bellamy sad, handing Miller a cup of tea. ‘And you’re coming.’

‘Who I am to deny her anything.’ Miller said and Bellamy smirked at his words. Miller wasn’t much of a party person; he didn’t like to drink, maybe a beer or two from time to time. He didn’t like that feeling of being unable to fully control his body and his mind. Some people thought that he was a weirdo but they were glad that he could drive them home afterward. Oh well, he would just hang out for a few hours, watching the rest of the people getting drunk and then he would sneak out and go home.

Monty was there. Miller spotted him almost immediately when he entered Blake’s living room and hugged Octavia. He felt someone’s gaze and when he raised his head he saw Monty, sitting on a chair across the room with his eyes on him. Their eyes met and suddenly Miller realized that they know each other for almost five months. And it suddenly hit him, the oddity of that friendship; he suddely saw their first meeting on a police statiob and he wondered how they got from there to knowing each other’s coffee order. 

He didn’t know how it happened but he knew he wanted to keep it.

Miller was about to walk and talk to him when suddenly a guy with messy hair and googles on top appeared and dragged him somewhewe. Miller remembered that the guy’s name was Jasper, he had met him once or twice before.

Bellamy appeared with a bottle of beer in his hands and dangerous shadow in his eyes.

‘Can’t believe she invited her.’ he grumbled and Miller raised his eyebrows.

‘Who?’

‘Clarke.’ Bellamy said and Miller couldn’t help a smirk from forming on his lips.

‘What’s so bad about it? O adores her and she’s pretty cool.’

‘But...’ 

‘Hmmm?’

‘She bothers me.’ Bellamy said finally and Miller actually laughed a little.

‘What?’ Bellamy seemed to be offended but to Miller it was all funny because it was clear for everyone that they were attracted to each other but to stubborn to see it.

‘Watch out, she’s right at the door with O, ready to bother you.’

Bellamy turned around so quickly that Miller just had to laugh again.

He found Monty in the kitchen. Miller went there to find for something alcohol free to drink and Monty was sitting by a table, eyes closed and calm face. He opened his eyes and nodded quietly.

‘Hey there.’ Miller said, pulling a soda from a fridge ‘How are you?’

‘Why everybody calls you Miller?’ Monty asked suddenly, ignoring his question ‘Nathan is such a pretty name.’

‘Are you drunk?’ Miller asked and Monty’s eyes widened.

‘Am I?’

‘You are.’

‘And you’re grumpy. You’re like a grupy cat only not so fluffy and cute.’

‘You’re telling me I’m not cute?’ Miller asked and he couldn’t believe that he actually said that because wait, was that some kind of flirt? That would be wrong, right? He should probably go away and bring himself together because he wasn’t sure if his thoughts were running in a good direction lately. Just right now, when he was looking at Monty and he really wanted to touch his hair. Oh boy, that was a bad sign.

And then Monty smiled and Miller understood, in that exact moment, that he was a goner.

He had seen his little half smiles and smirks but it was the first actual happy smile and it just lit up the whole kitchen. And that smile did something to Miller because he suddenly felt something warm next to his heart.

They were staring at each other, Monty with that soft smile on his lips and Miller with a storm in his head. And then Monty stood up and before Miller knew what was happening he was closed in Monty’s tight embrace.

He stopped breathing.

‘This is crazy, you know?’ Monty said straight into his ear and Miller forced himself to inhale air to his lungs.

‘What?’ he asked, words escaping his mouth with sudden difficulty. 

‘We met at the police station and I was sure you would put me in jail.’ Monty said and Miller’s heart dropped ‘There was no way we could...’ he chuckled quietly ‘How this even happened? That we’re here?’

‘Maybe it was meant to be.’ Miller said, because really, what his answer could be?

Monty pulled back, only a bit, one hand on Miller’s shoulder and one on his hip. 

‘Maybe.’ he agreed quietly; Miller’s heart was beating so fast he was seriosusly worried about his ribs. 

Maybe it was really meant to be, and maybe this moment meant to be, him and Monty, their lips only inches away and wild heartbeats in their chests.

He really, really wanted to kiss him and he was almost ready to screw all the voices that were yelling it was a bad idea when a sharp voice broke that little bubble they were in.

‘Moooonty!’ Jasper yelled and Miller barely had time to take a step back before Jasper stumbled into the kitchen, his eyes comically wide ‘Duuude, I need to show you something! Come with me?’

To be honest, Monty looked like he had no idea what was going on; he looked at Miller with unreadable eyes and he didn’t make any move.

‘Dude, can you hear me?’ Jasper asked impatiently, moving closer.

Monty was still staring at Miller as if he was seeing him for the very first time.

It took all Miller’s strength to open his mouth.

‘Have fun, guys.’ he said and forced his body to turn around. In the corner of his eyes he saw that Monty made a move in his direction but Jasper grabbed his hand and started talking loudly about something and that was the last thing he saw before leaving the kitchen.

He really was trying not to run.

What. The. Actual. Fuck.

‘Shit. Shit, shit, shit.’ Miller cursed loudly, hitting a driving wheel in front of him. A car clock showed 11.30 pm which meant that he had left the party over an hour ago and since that moment he was driving around the city, trying to calm himself and understand what the fuck had happened. And what the fuck was happening with him.

He found a free parking spot and stopped there. He rested his head on a window and let out a deep breath.

Okay, here was the truth. He was falling in love with Monty Green. Or he already was.

Fuck.

It was ridiculous, that’s what. Their whole relationship was ridiculous. How it had started, how it was passing. It was odd and unsual and Miller’s feeling felt just so wrong, he was feeling so, so wrong. 

It was wrong because Monty... Monty was special. He was fragile and strong and shy and sarcastic and brave and clever. He was extraordianary and he was everything Miller didn’t deserve.

Fuck.

Miller wanted to scream, scream at his stupid heart for beating like crazy everytime he though about Monty’s smile. He wanted to kick himself beacuse fuck, he was screwed. 

He took a deep breath and started the engine, ready to drive a bit more and then go home. 

He wondered when that had happened, exactly. Where had been the moment? Because he was pretty sure he had been in love with him for some time and just realized it now in his oblivion. 

But in fact it didn’t matter. All that mattered was that his heart was filled with that special mix of love and pain and Miller just wanted to curl up in his bed and wait it over, just like he had got over his breakup with Bryan. 

But deep inside he knew that that time was different and that even an eternity wouldn’t erease Monty’s picture from his heart. 

He woke up early, earlier than usual, and for a moment everything seemed to be okay. But then Miller remembered everything and strange pressure settled down in his chest. He forced himself to get up from his bed and wandered to the kitchen, where he grabbed some cereal and prepared a big mug of coffee. It was till pretty early, a bit before 7 am. He had a free day so he had plenty of time to prepare himself to face the rest of the world. He knew for sure that he had to prepare himself to meet Monty. He decided to keep his cool and play everything- is- okay card and he was hoping that Monty had been drunk enought to forget about the whole kitchen scene.

He sat down on his sofa and turned tv on. There was nothing interesting and Miller wondered why was he even keeping a tv. Finally he found a channel with some European movie- Czech? Polish? Or was it Russian? And who the hell thought it was a good idea to play something like that on Sunday morning- and stared on the screen. It was a movie about a surgeon who wanted to make a first heart transplant. Huh. Really not a good time for such a movie but the story was quite interesting. It almost made him forgot about the dull pain inside his chest. 

Almost.

When the door bell rang, disturbing his quiet morning, and Miller felt irritation. Probably his neighbour, miss Lewsky, needed help with finding her cat. It happened from time to time and Miller was used to climbing on the roof and finding the cat sleeping behind a chimney. So he sighed and got up, turning off the tv and putting a t-shirt on to look a bit more decent. 

He opened the door with a polite smile formed on his lips but when he saw the person behind the door his smile faded.

‘Hi.’ Monty said, looking at him with unreadable face. 

‘Hi.’ Miller managed to say and it sounded nice and calm, despite a hurricane in his head. What was he doing here? And why was he looking so fucking cute with his messy hair and oversize jacket?

‘What are you doing here?’ he was really proud that he said that without showing how hard speaking was.

Monty just stared at him for a moment before he spoke.

‘Can I come in?’ there was something unfamiliar in his voice.

‘Sure.’ God no.

Miller stepped aside, letting Monty in. He closed the door behind him and took a deep breath before facing him. Monty was standing next to the couch and Miller took only one small step toward him, keeping a safe distance. Really, it was better when he wasn’t too close to him because God help him, he wanted to touch him so much. 

‘So... how was the party?’ he asked and Monty narrowed his eyes a little.

‘You left.’ he said and Miller shivered at the tone of his voice. It was a bit... accusing. Like he was blaming him for something. 

‘Yeah, I just...’ okay, he didn’t have a good explanation.

Monty stared at him and then he sighed quietly and it sounded like he was giving up on something.

‘Look, I’m sorry.’ he said and Miller blinked in surprise ‘I was drunk and I...’ he trailed off and sighed again and Miller just tried to understand what he was saying ‘I know that it’s strange, our friendship and how it started and all, but... I just feel that...’ he stopped and looked at Miller and it felt like he was asking him for help.

And in that moment Miller turned his brain off. 

Fuck it.

He took one step, ridiculosuly slow, and then the next one, his eyes focused on Monty and his heart hammering in his chest. 

‘Why are you walking so slowly?’ Monty asked a bit suscpicously, with a slight surprise. 

‘I’m giving you time to run away.’ Miller said, his voice barely louder than a whisper.

Monty’s eyes widened but a second later he was smiling, a beautiful light smile, and Miller was gone, totally and utterly gone. They met in half a way, they lips crashing and hands gripping hungrily on each other’s shirts. And in that exact moment Miller knew, he was utterly sure, that it indeed was meant to be. Because Monty’s mouth were soft and as desperate as his and it didn’t feel wrong, suddely, it all felt right, so right and natural.

They pulled away where was no air left between them, forehads resting against each other, soft smiles and shaky breathes, and it felt amazingly real.

‘You okay?’ Miller muttered, his fingers travelling to touch Monty’s cheek.

Monty was silent for a second, running his hand over Miller’s arm.

‘I think that finally, I am.’ he said quietly and Miller thought that yeah, he was okay too.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Love you all :)


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